Updated: Nov 17, 2020
(The Rules of the Mind, by Marisa Peer)
It's important to understand how our mind works, what rules it likes to work too and how ti affects our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and be able to coach ourselves to avoid some of these mistakes, given this information. Let’s talk about some of the rules of the mind:
• RULE #1: Every word you say and every thought you think
is a blueprint that your mind must work to make real.
So if you say things like: “This job is killing me” “I would die if this relationship ends” “This workload is driving me insane” “I really want to be a speaker, but when I go on stage I panic”
What you’re doing is commanding your mind to do everything to make sure what you say actually happens. Your mind listens to your internal dialogue!
It’s important to notice when we have a negative self- talk, and help ourselves to see that we are creating our reality.
• RULE #2: Your mind learns by repetition.
Make sure you repeat what you want to remember, more than once and in different ways.
• RULE #3: We are hardwired to move towards what’s familiar,
while massively resisting what’s unfamiliar.
This is how our mind protected us from danger many centuries ago. The only problem here is that we keep coming back to what’s familiar, even when sometimes it’s not the right thing for us.
Like coming back to a toxic love relationship because that is the familiar pattern we know, seeking a job we don’t like because that’s what we’ve been doing all of our lives.
We need to be mindful that our minds will fight against new habits, not because they are not good, but because new habits move us to an unfamiliar terrain. We have to be compassionate with ourselves. • RULE #4. The mind can’t tell the difference between real and imagined.
The mind can’t tell the difference between real and imagined. If you imagine pain or rejection, your body will experience those feelings. The subconscious mind is never switched off, and records every single thing that you go through.
We will find that our fears might feel completely real to us. We can help ourselves see that everything starts in our mind first, and that we have the power to change that.
• RULE #5: The mind can’t future-pace.
When you are facing a tough situation (like depression), your mind can’t imagine how your life will be after what you are experiencing in the moment.
So when you say things like:
“Next year I’ll get my finances in order” “Next year I will publish my book” “Next year I will become a famous speaker”
Your mind doesn’t understand what “next year” means. You have to speak to your mind today, right here, right now.
This is crucial to make decisions. As humans we tend to procrastinate because we are afraid of uncertainty. We can see and feel NOW how we want our lives to be in the future
Let’s go deeper into the rule of “Our Mind can’t future-pace”
You can visualise your future, but many people can’t imagine changing a familiar behaviour for good. You can feel the emotions in the present moment, and you can create the future that you desire. If you can’t embody your thoughts and emotions, then you cannot create the changes that you want in your future.
For example, you can say things like:
“See yourself on stage NOW” “Feel yourself receiving the gold medal NOW” Use all the senses! The key is to use the word NOW.
Are you suggesting we don’t have goals, or to have goals but visualise them for NOW? What I’m saying is for you to have goals, but have them be more specific.
For example, you might want more money, but that can mean 1 cent!
We have to be very descriptive about what we want, and ask BIG, visualise what we really want.
But it’s not enough to have a goal, you need to know what it takes to achieve that goal. For example:
“I will write a best-selling book” “I will have a phenomenal coaching business”
How am I going to get there? What are the steps? What do I need to learn to reach my goal?
What are you going to put into practice?
Then you focus in your goal every day, bring in your emotions, make it very specific about the outcome you want, it must make sense. The mind locks to something real (not abstract) You must be very specific.
Make sure that you get really clear on what you want, and not focus on what you don’t want, because the mind doesn’t know the difference.
So if you say something like “I don’t want to be a failure”, your mind only hears the words “want” and “failure” and it will give you what you ask.
• RULE #6: The mind loves words that paint a picture.
Powerful Dynamic, descriptive words.
Anytime you use words that are descriptive, dynamic and up to date, you will get what you want. (whether it’s something you consider positive or negative). So watch out for what you say to your mind!
For example, you might find yourself saying things like:
“The man I like asked me out, I wanted to die!” “If I go out in the rain I’ll get sick”
We say things without understanding how powerful our words can be, because they give our mind directions on what to do.
We can incorporate new language into our lives. Language that moves our emotions and incites us to create action. How does the rule about our minds being hardwired to look for the familiar look in our lives?
Imagine that you come from a family where scarcity was normal. You saw your parents struggle around money, and there was never enough.
Since money was not familiar growing up, you might find it hard to produce or keep money as an adult.
“70% of lottery winners who never had money before will be bankrupt in 3 years.”
This also comes up around love. If you haven’t experienced love before, you will probably look for similar experiences in your future.
Take for example the children who have been brought up in an orphanage. Those babies don’t know how to be cuddled.
If we want love, but it is not familiar to you, you might see yourself rejecting it when it is offered.
• RULE #7. We are wired to create what we know, and change the ending.
“My mom thought I was boring, let me find a woman just like her, but make her see I am fascinating.”
“My father thought I was stupid, let me find a guy like him and make him proud.”
Look to see of you are recreating your familiar patterns, and how you can create new patterns that serve you better.
• RULE #8. You can make anything you like familiar.
As an example, I had a Blackberry before, and I was used to it (it was familiar). Then I changed to iPhone and that is what I turned familiar.
You can make praise familiar, plus self-belief and extending your limits, and help you turn other habits, like self-sabotage, into unfamiliar.
RULE #9: Your mind doesn’t understand “Don’t” or “Not”.
The mind only responds to the word that makes a picture. Any picture. So make sure that what you think about is what you really want.
Focus your thoughts on the life that you want to create.
TRY THESE EXERCISES:
1. Describe what you want for your personal life. Be very specific, use descriptive, powerful and dynamic words ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
2. Describe what you want for your professional life. Be very specific, use descriptive, powerful and dynamic words. ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ 3. What are the patterns that you have experienced in your past regarding your professional life? What have you learned? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
4. What actions are you going to incorporate in your daily routine to make sure that
what you want comes true? What are the habits? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ Here are ALL the Rules of The Mind
Your every thought and word form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality.
The strongest force in humans is that we must act in a way that consistently matches our thinking.
Every thought you think causes a physical reaction and an emotional response within you.
Imagination is more powerful than knowledge when dealing with your own mind or the mind of others.
In a battle between emotion and logic, emotion always wins.
Your mind always does what it thinks you want it to do. Your mind works to move you from pain to pleasure.
Your mind is hardwired to resist what it unfamiliar and to return to what is familiar.
Your mind responds to the pictures you construct and the words you tell yourself.
Your mind does not care if what you tell it is good, bad, true, false, healthy unhealthy, or right or wrong, it accepts and acts on your words regardless.
You make your beliefs then your beliefs make you then the universe makes those beliefs real.
What you present to your mind, your mind will present back to you
When dealing with the subconscious mind, the greater the conscious effort the less the subconscious responds.
The mind cannot hold conflicting beliefs or thoughts they cancel each other out.
Your mind can only work in the present tense.
Your mind does not recognise neutral words like don’t, can’t, no, not, later. maybe, tomorrow.
Your mind can only respond to words that make pictures, the more vivid the picture, the more powerful the response.
Your mind responds better to positive words and to specific detailed dynamic words and instructions.
The mind learns by repetition.
What is expected tends to be realised.
Whatever you focus on, you get more of.
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